


Uncertainty and Insecurity

by PrinceAdamsCourage



Series: Brotherly Bond [1]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Not Incest, Sibling Bonding, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 18:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5467172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceAdamsCourage/pseuds/PrinceAdamsCourage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after "Uncertainty Principle", Charlie and Don sharing a bonding moment as brothers when his insecurities are finally brought to light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uncertainty and Insecurity

Larry warned him that his equation couldn't control human behavior and he paid little attention to his mentor. Charlie was confident that the FBI would arrest the Charm School Boys and take them into custody. That didn't happen.

He recalled the scent of blood and gun powder. He recalled the sobs of those who lost loved ones. Their voices were distant echos as he moved through the crime scene. His ears picked up the loud crunch of shattered glass and bullets as he picked his way through. Only one thought had been on his mind: find Don. Terry's voice was distant but she pointed him in the right direction. Don was okay.

Statistically speaking, Don was dead. He knew the numbers, crunched them in his head. He'd done everything he could to keep his brother safe. He failed and now the only problem in his head was P vs NP. Charlie knew that was the go to problem for when he was upset. Just two years prior, he'd buried himself in that very same problem. His mother came home from chemo yet he couldn't bare to look at her and buried himself in the famously unsolvable problem. The compulsion to do so was familiar as he worked on a line of subsets and verticies.

No one but his mother understood. Hearing that, had calmed him enough to think clearly. Just earlier that day, he'd been manhandled by his own brother. He couldn't understand Don's anger, but then Don didn't understand why he worked the way he did. Charlie needed to shut down, needed to decompress the violence he'd seen just the day before. Yet, he couldn't communicate that to his older brother. The words weren't there and Don didn't hear his silent scream.

Or maybe he did. It was when their father retired to bed and the two brothers were left alone after all the suspects were locked up and their dinner concluded that Charlie felt Don take a seat beside him. In fact, he felt Don put an arm around him. It was awkward at first, but Charlie accepted the show of brotherly affection and even inched closer. For the first time, Charlie thought that Don might actually love him as a brother. He couldn't believe that they were this close and he didn't want to ruin the moment so he sat in silence, inching close to his brother who had his arm draped lazily around his shoulders.

Then Don broke the silence. “This one got a little close to home didn't it?” Charlie blinked and looked up at his brother. He almost didn't want to answer, but Don continued on. “Listen… Next time something like this happens… talk about it. Come talk to me.”

His voice came out tinier than he wanted to. “You mean that?”

“Yeah I do. Why wouldn't I?”

“Because you don't...understand how my mind works and you tend to go off on me...” Out of habit, he'd glanced away. When it came to Don, he'd always wanted his cool big brother's approval. He never got that. Don never came to anything of his… not until they'd started to collaborate on FBI work but even then… The wall never left. Charlie wanted to keep things as they were. The status quot was good for him. His older brother actually wanted him around and Charlie thrived on that, but he still found himself hesitant to speak about his feelings, about the things in his head.

Yet he felt his brother's hand on his shoulder now and it felt...reassuring. Charlie chanced a glance to see Don watching him and swallowed hard. “I'll… keep it in mind in case something like this happens again.”

“You can start now you know.”

Charlie felt unsure and he knew if he opened his mouth he'd stutter. There were so many things in his mind and none of them were numbers. Numbers were comforting, easy to understand and never lied to you. They didn't bully you because you stole all the love. Yet, his secure bubble seemed to pop. No—it popped the moment he forced himself to realize he couldn't work on P vs NP forever. Don invaded his bubble… but he did it willingly.

As if on cue, he heard his brother speak. “I did a lot of rotten things when we were kids, but we're still brothers and you come up equations out of no where on cases that would've gone cold because we couldn't figure something out.”

He felt fuzzy inside. Charlie instinctively decided to take that chance and actually let Don cuddle him. To his surprise, Don let him move in that close. It was surreal and he reached up and pinched his cheek to verify that he was real. He also pinched Don's cheek for good measure to which he got a punch in the arm.

“I always wanted to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Be treated like your brother.”

“You mean I never treated you like a brother? I thought I did… Big brothers always bully the little ones. I just took it to the extreme. Extreme sibling rivalry y'know?” It shouldn't have been funny, but Charlie laughed a bit, a tiny bit before he fell silent.

He shifted to look up at Don through his own curly locks. “You… don't regret bringing me in to consult on your cases… Do you? The FBI is your world. I'm happy to be a part… but I don't want you to feel like I'm taking it away because I pull equations out of no where.”

“Hey… Come on buddy.”

“Be straight with me Don.”

He pulled back at that moment to look at his brother in the eye. His heart pounded loudly in his ears. Charlie's more scared now than he was taking his orals at Princeton. What his brother says next may tear his world down and he'll never recover if he does. Despite the warmth of the room, he knew he was trembling in fear as he wrapped his arms around himself. Charlie had robbed his brother of everything by merely being born, by merely existing. He'd hated being exceptional and having all the special teachers and classes. From there, he was forced onto Don because he lacked the interpersonal skills to make his own friends. Charlie had been unwanted and there hadn't been a single redeeming moment for him to make up for all he done.

Yet, he'd loved his brother. Charlie believed if he kept loving his brother Don would eventually come to love him too. Charlie wanted to love and care for his brother enough to compensate for the difference—for stealing the love of their mother and father. Their parents spent so much time loving him, they'd inadvertently neglected Don a great deal. There's no apologizing for that. Now, he was helping his brother but he didn't want to steal from him the joy of being an FBI agent. He couldn't live with himself if he did.

From there, he realized he'd been muttering about how sorry he was for stealing his childhood. Charlie didn't even notice the sad look in Don's eyes, not until he'd been snapped from his inner world when he felt his brother's arms close in around him.

“Hey, hey, buddy. I wanted your help. I came to you this time. You came through. I'm proud of you.” He felt Don's hand in his hair and it felt soothing to know he'd been wanted—but he still knew he had a lot to make up for.

Charlie's voice cracked. “I-I am sorry for stealing everything from you. I-I-I just wanted your approval. I wanted my cool big brother to be proud of me. I t-thought that if I loved you enough you'd eventually love me back as your brother… Instead, I just tried to latch on to someone who didn't want me. You resented me… You probably still do...”

Don pulled back and they locked eyes. “I did… I was pissed when mom came home and you spent the last three months of her life avoiding her. I couldn't understand it then. I probably never will completely understand it. I'm sorry I did… I'm sorry I ever resented such an amazing brother. I mean you see the world in a way I never will understand… Yet we still work together. You've always stuck by me and I was just too selfish and stupid to realize it. I've caused you a lot of insecurities but you never show it. Hell, you'll answer the phone at weird hours of the night if I call. You were a better brother than I was. Thanks, Chuck.”

“Don't call me Chuck.” He still felt hurt, but it hurt less hearing Don's words. Actually he felt better enough to smile. He always gripes about being called Chuck, but at some point, it stopped being irritating. Maybe that nickname gave him a glimpse into how much love Don actually did have for him. Maybe. Charlie's not sure yet. One brotherly bonding session won't undo the years of insecurities Charlie had hidden inside. He felt better enough to accept the pat on the shoulder from Don and settle back down, moving close to his brother again.

“...You really think I'm cool?”

“Yeah… Why else do you think I went through your stuff?”

“Because that's what obnoxious little brothers do?”

“Okay, yeah I can see it… but you are cool. You look even cooler decked out in full FBI gear.” He said that last part with a mild blush. It's still embarrassing to admit he thinks Don's cool. “I kind of wish I could try it on.”

“I bet I could arrange that.”

“Really?”

“You'd probably collapse under the weight. You're scrawny after all.”

“I am not! I was a pretty good swimmer and swimming in water takes more strength than you realize.” Charlie protested.

He felt Don ruffle his hair. “We'll see.”

A short silence settled between them before Don spoke again. “I thought you were a little cool for a nerd.” Charlie frowned at the 'nerd' part but he didn't say anything. He accepted the compliment, if it could be called such. “What you do is amazing. I guess I just had to grow up to realize it.”

“Thanks, Don.”

Don ruffled his hair more before he heard his phone go off. “I gotta go back to work.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“You know I will, buddy. I like having you hang out with me.” Charlie never thought he'd ever hear those words from Don, let alone smile so brightly. Don finally realized just how much Charlie loved him and he finally got to know just how much Don actually loved him—even if it was pretty late.

 

 

 


End file.
